Sex After 50 – Holding On to Passion
by Nancy Van Pelt
A man recently congratulated me on the article “The Challenge for Today” that I had written for the March edition of Renewed and Ready. I thanked him and with a twinkle in my eye said, “Wait till you read the next article I’m writing.” What’s that?” He queried. “Sex After 50,” I replied. At that very moment a woman handed me a book titled Sex After 50. I glanced at the author and did not recognize the name. Before I opened it my friend told me to open it carefully as it contained some “racy” pictures inside. The book held nothing more than100 blank pages!
Some fictitious author was making a fortune off this book that is little more than a joke. But behind every joke is an element of truth. And the truth here is that many people think that those over 50 have kissed “intimacy” goodbye. But a few other seniors could fill in the blanks.
The notion that those over 50 don’t have sex is preposterous! Many seniors continue to enjoy the physical side of relationships. Researchers from the New England Journal of Medicine surveyed 3,005 men and women ages 57 to 85. They learned that 73 percent of those 57 to 64 were sexually active, compared to 53 percent of those 65 to 74 and 28 percent of 75 to 85-year-olds. Men and women who rated their personal health as poor were less likely to be sexually active.
In a comprehensive “Act of Marriage After 40 Survey” by Tim and Beverly LaHaye on 800 people, it was found that 59 percent of men and women, aged 40 to 70 and up, said they were having sexual relations once a week or more. A whopping 10 percent said they were making love three, four, or five times a week! (1)
It’s a given that sexual activity among older adults may be less frequent and less intense, but it obviously can still be a meaningful experience. At that age sex more likely expresses the depth of a couple’s lifetime relationship rather than the exploding hormones of younger years.
The Change of Life
Menopause, or the “change of life” marks the end of a woman’s ability to bear children. Some women welcome the change because they no longer have to worry about getting pregnant. (Note that it is still possible to get pregnant up to one year following the last menstrual period.) Others are ecstatic over saying goodbye to monthly cramps and menstruation. Others identify menopause with old age and no longer feel attractive, desirable, or like a sexual woman.
The onset of menopause can occur any time in the early forties to early fifties, but the average age is 51.4. The younger a woman begins menstruating, the older she will be when her monthly cycle ceases.
With menopause comes a decline in estrogen levels. This causes a shrinking of the vaginal canal. And women are not able to lubricate as well during foreplay. When a couple continues to have an active sex life even after menopause, vaginal dryness will not be as prominent. If vaginal dryness occurs an over-the-counter lubricant can help. The shrinking of the vaginal canal is actually a plus. This results in more friction which produces greater sexual pleasure for both partners.
Some women experience a decreased libido in later life. This occurs in part as a natural occurrence in the aging process as well as decreased estrogen production. But I can almost predict that when a woman thinks she will lose interest in sex after menopause, she will. Her attitude before menopause predicts what will happen after menopause.
But when a woman approaches menopause with a positive attitude, her sex life can be maintained and enjoyed like never before.
The Downhill Slide for Men
God planned a series of mountaintops and valleys for His people to experience, and this is likely just as true sexually. Men past fifty can’t help but notice that their erections aren’t as effortless as they were in the past. And that the urge to ejaculate isn’t what it used to be. They may think their penises are actually shrinking.
Lower levels of hormones in men may affect the sex drive between forty and fifty-five, but the good news is that testosterone decline doesn’t impact a man’s sexuality as much as estrogen loss does for a woman. For most men in good health, testosterone levels remain adequate for lovemaking.
The steady loss in hormonal production often does result in sexual changes in normal, healthy males.(2)
1. A gradual diminishing of sexual desire.
2. Erections take longer to happen.
3. More direct stimulation is needed for an erection. Sight alone no longer arouses him as easily as it once did.
4. The erection of the penis is no longer as firm or as long as it used to be.
5. Ejaculation is not as forceful or as intense as in previous years. Sometimes there may be no urge to ejaculate at all.
6. The testicles shrink and the scrotal sac droops.
This is the bad news, but men of this age also have more sexual experience and knowledge that can be put to good use. There may be some truth to the old saying, “If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.”
Erectile Dysfunction
The likelihood of erectile dysfunction (ED) increases with age but is not an inevitable consequence of aging. Some men even have trouble saying the word “impotency.” All it takes is one failure under the sheets and he begins to think he is finished in the bedroom. Many men will not discuss impotency with their wives, let alone with their doctors.
For those over 50 as well as for others, erectile dysfunction may occur as a consequence of specific illnesses or due to medical treatment for certain illnesses, resulting in fear, loss of self-confidence, and depression. About 5 percent erectile dysfunction is observed about age 40, increasing to 15 – 25 percent at age 65 and older. It is treatable in all age groups, however.
Impotence is not all in a man’s head. About 85 percent is caused by disease, particularly diabetes and heart conditions that restrict blood flow. The most common causes include vascular disease, diabetes, neurologic impairment, pelvic injury, prescription drugs, hormonal imbalance, and Peyronie’s disease.
Psychological aspects of self-confidence, anxiety, and partner communication and conflict are often important contributing factors. The problem is also associated with depression, loss of self-esteem, poor self-image, increased anxiety or tension with one’s sexual partner, and/or fear and anxiety associated with contracting sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS. Other factors, such as obesity, poor physical fitness, as well as heavy smoking and drinking, can contribute to ED.
Many advances have occurred in both diagnosis and treatment of ED. The four most frequently prescribed treatments include vacuum therapy, self-injection, penile implants, and intraurethral pellets. Viagra, the little blue erection-inducing pill, has been hailed as a miracle drug. Viagra jokes abound. One favorite goes like this: Did you know that you can find Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it and she says, “Oh, Henry!” Viagra doesn’t work for everyone, and it does have side effects which are usually mild and temporary. It is available only by prescription from your physician. (3)
Renewed Passion
During these years both men and women have usually achieved a certain measure of sexual and emotional maturity and compatibility. There is a renewed sense of fun, balance, and respect. The children are older, often married, and away from home, which has a liberating effect. The sense of intimacy couples feel during these years finally allows them to experiment with new techniques they may have been too inhibited to try in their younger years.
These years can be more relaxed, romantic, and intimate than during the child bearing years. This is when partners are most likely to be perfectly matched sexually and emotionally. Their careers are under control, and they have more time, less pressure, and fewer worries than they did a decade earlier.
The Janus Report found that men 51 to 64 described sex as “more deeply gratifying” and “unhurried” than in their younger years. They had plenty of time to spend on foreplay and reported more warmth and intimacy after intercourse, with less compulsion to ejaculate. Arousal becomes the focus. And because fewer erections arise purely from visual stimuli, it means an increased need for touching, which produces greater intimacy.
Believe it or not, after 60 can be the sexiest time of life. Most women have frequent if not multiple orgasms now, and men have learned that age does not equal impotence. The Janus Report noted that those 70 and over said sex was as gratifying as ever. Some said it was the best. Even those in their 90s who had partners and were in good enough health said sex was still good The Best News Yet!
In a revealing study published in the British Medical Journal, scientists discovered that men who have frequent orgasms live longer and that men who have sex at least twice a week have a 50 percent lower risk of death than men who have sex less than once a month, based on a ten-year study in Wales. Another study of cardiovascular risk in women reported that the more sex women had, the less likely they were to die of heart problems. (4)
If you want to look younger, have more sex! Another researcher who interviewed 3,500 people in Britain, Europe, and the United States, found that those who had sex more often looked younger. This new “fountain of youth” comes from hormones released during sex. Other factors that contribute to a healthy sex life include a healthy and regular exercise.(5)
Regular church attendance also plays a significant role in sexual satisfaction – especially for women. A woman who goes to church regularly and who takes her religion seriously, generally reports higher marital satisfaction, whether her sex life is fulfilling or not. And religious women are more orgasmic than non religious women.
Now you have it. Take any two healthy adults who are totally committed to their Savior, any two who have been married in the presence of God so there’s no guilt robbing them of pleasure, and you’ll find a couple who has the potential for a great sex life even into their “golden years.”
Footnotes:
(1) LaHaye, Tim & Beverly, The Act of Marriage After 40, Grand Rapids:Zondervan, 2000, p. 24
(2) Ibid. p. 59
(3) Adapted from Highly Effective Marriage, by Nancy Van Pelt, Review and Herald Publishing:Hagerstown, MD, 2000, pp. 188,189
(4) LaHaye, p 34
(4) LaHaye, p 34