|
|
Fast Family Facts
February, 2005
Statistics show that marital satisfaction begins to drop
in the first 4 years of marriage. By the end of 5 years, 19%
of couples are divorced. One survey showed that 40% of
newlyweds found marriage harder than they had expected and
also felt that their partner had become more critical after
marriage. This makes it more evident that premarital
preparation is not enough. Married couples need on-going
support to make marriage work.
Did you know that in the average U.S. home. the
television is on seven hours and forty minutes per day? With
TV shows declining in quality and morality, isn’t it time to
turn your television off? Begin by turning it off one night
a week and playing games with your family or spouse. This
will promote better communication and healthier lives.
According to the Journal of the American Medical
Association, one in five high-school girls is physically or
sexually abused by a dating partner. Other surveys put the
figure even higher. Yet a common fallacy in parental
thinking is “Our daughter would never get involved in an
abusive relationship.” Abuse ranges from a slap to a verbal
outburst to pressure someone into sex. But teenage girls
often deny the fact that abuse is taking place.
Decision Analysts, Inc, recently did a national survey on
men one question read: In the middle of a conflict with my
wife, I am more likely to be feeling: a. that my wife
doesn’t respect me right now; b. that my wife doesn’t love
me right now. Not surprisingly, 81.5 percent of men chose
“a.” A man needs respect as much as he needs air to breathe.
Newspaper reports call oral sex “the new good-night
kiss.”
20 % of new STD cases reported each year occur in
adolescents.
According to the Journal of Psychology and Christianity
as many as 65 percent of men and 55 percent of women have
extramarital affairs by the time they are forty.
A Christianity Today survey found that 23 percent of the
300 pastors who responded admitted to sexually inappropriate
behavior with someone other than their wives while in the
ministry.
After tracking the social interactions of 30 men and
women for a seven-day period, researchers noted that lies
told over the phone occurred 37 percent of the time, yet
only 14 percent of the time in e-mails. People may be more
inclined to tell the truth in e-mails because there is a
permanent record regarding any deceit.
 From the Mailbag
I am basking in the afterglow of your visit to our
church. I am also reveling in your book
Creative Hospitality-so warm, easy-to-read,
and filled with so many good ideas! Once I pick it up I
can't put it down.
Kitty Evans, Glendale, CA
I’m currently reading your book Smart Love–A Field
Guide for Single Adults. I received it from my
mother a couple of years ago and regret waiting til now to
read it. I could have avoided a lot of mistakes! Anyway, now
I’m recommending it to all of my friends!
Deanna Ebanks, West Palm Beach, Florida
We are most grateful for your inspiring and enlightening
series on “Families Are Forever” for our
recent church retreat at Thousand Trails. Our people
delighted in your presentations and were saying that the
other families who didn’t come really missed something so
important. The next time we invite you, we must have it in
the church since everyone was not able to attend the
retreat. Our people continue to talk about what you
shared–especially the 10 second kiss and the 5 second
affirmation and much more. You and Harry are a great team!
Pastor Lemuel Niere, Glendale, California
Thank you for your latest book Smart Love–Straight
Talk to Young Adults About Dating, Love, & Sex. I
think it is one of your best! After I read it, I immediately
too it to a your friend of mine who had just asked me the
day before for a good book on dating. He is 15 and has his
first serious girlfriend. He came by the next day and said,
“That book is really good! God bless your ministry to
young adults!
Dr. Barry and Joni Siebenlist, Kileen, Texas
Your book Smart Love changed my life! I
suffered through a miserable marriage where my husband
called me names and put me down a lot. Because of this I
suffered from very low self esteem. I couldn’t even look at
myself in the mirror even though I had lost 80 pound. Others
said I looked great but on the inside I still felt like the
“fat slob” my husband called me. After my divorce I decided
to go on with my life but where to begin and how? The woman
who helped me through my divorce gave me Smart Love as a
gift. I read it and could hardly put it down. I was finally
ready to establish a relationship “the right way.” First, I
worked on my self esteem so I could make myself feel
worthwhile and beautiful. You said to go to the mirror and
say, “I am a beautiful person.” That took some time, but I
made copies of my affirmation and taped them all over the
house and repeated it daily. Before you knew it, I came out
of my low self esteem. I am a beautiful woman and am waiting
for that special someone that God has for me. My name is
Christy, a child of God, one whom God loves and cares for.
He calls me His “child.” Thank you for your book and your
seminar!
Christy, Hanford, California
|
|
How Romantic Are You?
Take this short self-test to see how romantic your really are.
Give yourself ten points if you have done the following within the last
four weeks.
(Answers at the end of the article)
_____1. Phoned your partner to say “I love you” or that you were
thinking nice thoughts about him or her.
_____2. Surprised your partner with an unexpected gift or remembrance
of some kind.
_____3. Written a love note, letter, or card expressing how much you
care.
_____4. Spent one hour talking about your marriage or sharing dreams
for the future.
_____5. Stopped at a secluded spot, held hands, and kissed for
awhile.
_____6. Set the stage for an intimate romantic interlude by lighting
a candle or playing soft music or some similar act.
Total your points.
Carol and Philip met, fell in love, got married, and had three
children. But on their way to building a family, their marriage
started to fray at the seams. Their dreams got lost somewhere between
starry-eyed illusions and the stark reality of rearing
children. What this real-life couple discovered was that children can be
a real workout for the parents’ relationship. The
humdrum details of domestic life become emotional land mines.
Frequently parents become so involved in their children’s lives that
they forget to make their marriage a priority. If this
pattern continues, their children become the only glue that holds them
together. A couple usually do not realize that they
have put their marriage on hold. It begins with a subtle shifting of
priorities and often continues unrecognized until the
children are older. Midlife markers such as a fortieth birthday or a
high school graduation become rude awakeners.
Once children are launched, these partners look at each other and wonder
about the stranger who sits across the
breakfast table.
It’s not easy to keep a marriage on track romantically. Lori explains
it this way: “I was shocked, after we went on a
vacation to celebrate our tenth anniversary, to realize it had been
seven years since we’d had more than a weekend
away together. I wasn’t holding a grudge about never having a vacation,
but it was heavenly to be able to do what we
wanted, when we wanted, where we wanted, without children.
It was like wearing a beeper for nine years and suddenly
taking it off and leaving it somewhere for a whole week. I was so free!
I never relaxed that much at home. It was like
our honeymoon before we had kids.”
After we’ve been married awhile, the tendency is to give work and
children our freshest energy. Marriage gets what’s
left over. But if a couple is going to maintain a healthy marriage over
the long haul, romance and fun activities must
become part of the delicate balancing act. Without taking time for this,
patience with each other wears thin.
As the second law of thermodynamics notes: “Everything left
unattended will tend toward disorder.” Living in the
same house, practicing the same faith, parenting the same children,
sharing the same bed, isn’t enough anymore.
Note that the couples mentioned were not considering divorce. They
probably had a better relationship than most.
But they weren’t happy. Being married was not satisfying to them. This
happens in many marriages. Newlyweds
become disenchanted with married life when their marriage is no longer
like television sitcoms with a happy ending
in 30 minutes. Routine, sameness, boredom, and child-centeredness settle
in. Such couples stand perched on the
brink of what might be termed “marital burnout.”
Marital burnout is a state of complete physical, emotional, and
mental exhaustion in marriage. It afflicts those who
expect marriage to give meaning to life and finally realize that, in
spite of all their efforts, their marriage isn’t providing
what they want.
Marital burnout doesn’t happen overnight. Instead it’s a gradual
process, a growing awareness that things are not
longer as good as they once were, that one’s spouse is not as exciting
as he or she once was.
It’s impossible to develop a close, intimate relationship without
spending meaningful time together. I recommend
a couple hours one time per week, or every other week if you can’t
manage weekly dates.
Here are 10 creative date ideas designed to keep your marriage
romantic.
- 1. Kidnap your partner for a mini vacation–an afternoon or
evening of something he/she has been wanting to do.
- 2. Drive through a new housing development and tour a model
home.
- 3. Take a walk through the park. Try out the swings and
see who can swing the highest.
- 4. Visit the Golden Arches. Dress up in your best clothes and
then go to eat–at McDonald’s! Your formal attire in
an informal place will be fun! Play footsie with each other under
the table.
- 5. Plan an afternoon of biking in a favorite neighborhood, in
the country, or in an interesting area. Over a picnic
lunch, share ideas for building your dream home. Take memory
pictures.
- 6. One night move your kids’ bedtime up by 30 minutes and spend
the extra time with your mate. Light the candles,
play romantic music and read love letters you wrote each other long
ago. Add a cup of tea and homemade cookies,
and you’ve got an interesting evening.
- 7. Take a night class together–cooking, photography,
landscaping, a foreign language, or craft. This provides
something new to talk about.
- 8. Meet for lunch one day a week. This gives you both something
to look forward to and breaks the monotony
of the week.
- 9. Go exploring–any place your mate would like to go (within
reason)–to a mountain hide-away or a ghost town
you’ve heard about. Check out a quaint shop on side street.
- 10. Make a list of six activities you would like to do with your
mate. Then take turns asking each other out.
The one who asks has to make all the plans for the evening, choosing
the restaurant, making reservations,
arranging for baby-sitting, etc.
Remember, relationships do not renew themselves. It is up to you to
or renew them constantly. Romance is only
a part of married love, but it brings pleasure and delight. The
challenge of being married is learning to keep a
relationship romantic, interesting and alive through all the changing
years of marriage.
Answers to the How Romantic Are You quiz:
50 - 60 points. You are a Superior Romantic Lover. And you probably
have a very happy marriage and a very satisfied partner.
40 - 49 points. You are a Passable Lover. You are slightly better
than average, but there is definitely room for improvement.
30 - 39 points. Your relationship is Romantically Indifferent, and
you definitely need to do something new to spark romantic interest!
20 - 29 points. Your relationship is Romantically Rocky and you need
immediate help to resuscitate romance in your relationship.
Read Highly Effective Marriage!
10 - 19 points. You are Romantically Bankrupt and need all the help
you can get!
This information is excerpted from Highly Effective Marriage.
In Nancy's Ministry
PROFESSIONAL DVDs and VIDEOS SOON AVAILABLE!!!!
Yes, four of Nancy’s most popular seminars have been professionally
filmed by Prophetic Ministries. Prophetic Ministries is
a Christ-centered multimedia ministry dedicated to the preservation and
proliferation of God’s message for these last days.
This four-camera operation was filmed under the direction of Greg Jeske
and will include Nancy’s power point presentation.
Plans include possible broadcast on Adventist Television Network (ATN)
as well as other broadcast networks. The seminars
currently being edited are:
Love, Sex & Lasting Relationships
His Needs/Her Needs
Why Can’t My Partner Understand What I Say?
Seven Stupid Things Parents Do to Mess Up Their Kids.
They will be available in DVD and VHS format with a projected release
date of Spring 2005.
ANOTHER CONTRACT. Nancy has just signed a contract with the
Buenos Aires Publishing House for the book
Train Up A Child to be printed in magabook format. A magabook is
printed magazine size, with a high gloss
cover, many color pictures and the full text of the book. This format
produces a high volume of speedy sales.
Buenos Aires has Student colporteurs who will be selling this book to
earn scholarships toward higher education.
VIDEOS IN SPANISH. David Gates, a self-supporting missionary in
Bolivia, reports that Nancy’s Spanish videos have
reached 100 million people at least two times already. Two years ago
Nancy went to Columbia to have Highly Effective
Marriage, Compleat Parent, and Smart Love filmed
in Spanish. These videos are currently being broadcast from
Bolivia with tremendous results.
NEW BOOK. DEAR NANCY – A trusted advisor gives
straight answers to questions about marriage, sex and parenting
is due out from Pacific Press in March of this year. Watch for
updates.
NEW CD’s AVAILABLE!!! All of Nancy’s recordings have either been
rerecorded or remastered onto CDs. Check the website
for new titles now available.
|
