FAMILY REUNIONS — A VITAL LINK FOR FRAGMENTED FAMILIES
by Nancy Van Pelt
Our first family reunion. Sixteen members of the Van Pelt family are worshipping together. A special and proud moment for us indeed as we glance at the three pews our family now fills. The gift of faith is being handed down to three generations.
Following church we gather in a park. The middle generation has scheduled meals and other events for the day. The clan comes together around the table and becomes amazingly real. There is a grouping of toddlers (one fast asleep), school children, young married couples, a middle-aged couple (that’s us!) and a great grandmother!
It is good for both young and old to hear the healthy honesty that prevails–the difficulties that have been faced and how we survived in tact. The conversation flows. Rodney–a caring physician–shares anguish over the death of a beloved patient. Cyndy tells how she’s organized the garage. Carlene rattles on about her busy life as a mother of four boys.
Christopher and Matthew try to overtalk their cousins with adventures of school life. Nicholas, Jamison and Steven wonder if they can be heard over these noisy talkative relatives. Mark is launching a new career. Harry and Nancy tell of recent seminars abroad.
After the meal, I attempt to assist with clean up but am directed to enjoy the grandchildren I so rarely get to see. My mother, Elsie Reel–great grandmother and matriarch of the family–sits quietly beside me marveling at this clan that began so many years ago with her. A horde of photos are taken with the matriarch in the center and four generations spilling out around her.
We embark on a Sabbath afternoon Safari with Rodney tracing evidence of God’s love through nature. Upon our return we pull our chairs into a circle and share–a picture, a story–something from the past that connects us to the future–some memory that serves as tangible evidence of life together as a family.
Following the evening meal enjoyed around a campfire, Mark tells stories to the children. Harry takes us back in time with a slide show. The children squeal with delight, “Who’s that!” “Mom, that doesn’t look like you!” and “I remember that trip!”
No one wants the day to end. Yet darkness, along with tired and cranky children, tug at us. We are faced with the reality that it will be another year before we are together again. With our arms around one another we gather for a final prayer. We linger….We belong together in so many ways. Who knows if we will all make it back next year?
We reflect…The Van Pelt family hasn’t just happened–it has come as a result of years of living and loving, prayer and sacrifice, misunderstanding and forgiveness. Birth, education, marriage, death, success and failure make up our years together as “family.” Our family has become real in time, space, and history.
It has taken us years to recognize that building our family is a lifelong project and still in process. Our roots connect to the past, continue in the present and stretch to the future. The warm feeling of oneness is proudly felt. The memories enjoyed today have been worth working for.
Families Need To Connect
Many people think of family reunions as old-fashioned. But in today’s mobile society they become an increasingly important part of family togetherness. High mobility is a major problem for families with one out of four families moving each year. This produces a generation of wanderers who have few roots any place.
Complicating the issue of a mobile society is the frequency of divorce. Divorce and frequent moves separate families. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins may feel like, and actually be, strangers.
Families need to be connected to other relatives, to a place, a past. Children need something that will always be there for them, a heritage, a sense of belonging to a personal and extended clan.
Children aren’t the only ones who need this connectedness. Adults too need a sense of “family.” It’s the feeling of isolation that prompts relatives from far and near to get off the fast track for a few days and make a pilgrimage back to the old family farm, the church or school they once attended. There’s a sense of “home” there. For a day or two a symbol of security and a romanticized picture of yesteryear is captured.
NOTE: Family Reunions don’t just happen overnight.
It takes generations to produce parents, children, grandparents, and great grandparents. A four-generation family reunion cannot be pulled out of the air without many people having endured ups and downs. heartache and injustices. What binds any family together is a long succession of events — love, marriage, births, disappointment, success, and failure. And while this family is in process someone must care enough to see that the family lines are not broken — to ensure a continued sense of family for now and all generations to come.
Whether your family prefers camping in the mountains, or a more structured gathering at a resort with catered meals here’s some advice on how to make your family reunion a winner.
Set The Date Early
Call key family members and select a date that best fits most schedules. One year in advance is not too soon. People need time to coordinate vacations around a reunion. Reunions held at the same time each year experience greater success.
Family events such as birthdays, weddings, major holidays, or baptisms are also popular times to gather the clan. It could be a season that has significance for your family — maple syrup time — or any season which stirs up a multitude of memories.
Reserve The Location
Unless you plan to use a home, a place needs to be selected. Some possible choices are a park, clubhouse, mountain chalet, or lake. As much as possible choose a central location that’s convenient to the greatest number of relatives. Pay a deposit to secure the space, if necessary. This suggestion would have saved our family much grief. We had the notion that every city has attractive parks and we could, on a moment’s notice, settle into any one of them and create an unforgettable occasion. Unless you want to end up being a goalie in the midst of a drunken frisbee golf game, as we became, carefully research and reserve a location in advance.
If you’re lucky enough to have a family farm, you’d be hard pressed to find a better setting. Other options might include a site that’s rich in family history–the town where your great grandparents settled when they arrived from the old country. Don’t miss the cemetery where you might find as many relatives under the ground as above.
Travel And Lodging
If there isn’t enough room to sleep everyone at one location check out local motels. Include motel name, address, phone number, and rates with the invitation. Also include a map to the site of where reunion events are to be held.
Meals
Best advice–Potluck it. In many families certain people get known for special dishes. When everyone brings their favorite dish, it provides an interesting variety. Year after year, Grandma always provides her favorite potato salad, while Aunt Sue makes cherry pie.
Please note: For an event as important as this, don’t trust the “luck” in potluck or you may end up with 6 potato salads and no drink. The food coordinator plans a master menu which should include ice, paper goods, table decorations, eating utensils, and trash bags.
Send Out Invitations
Ask an artistic family member to draft an original invitation. Send out regular letters of invitation informing everyone about who, what, where and how. Follow up reminders drum up additional interest.
Share The Responsibility
One person must assume the responsibility for coordinating the event making sure everything is done on time. But divide tasks so more people can share in the preparation. One person (or family) can design and mail the invitations. Another can research location and lodging; another the food, another can oversee activities and entertainment, and still another clean up and garbage patrol. Some families rotate leadership; others hang with the same leader yearly.
Activities And Entertainment
The key to a great family reunion is the entertainment which must appeal to all age groups–active games for children, something special for teens, some less strenuous activities for adults, and something in which everyone can participate.
To get the reunion off on the right foot begin with a crowd mixer. Before the reunion 20 or 30 questions about people’s background are recorded on a piece of paper and given to each one at the appropriate time. Offer a prize to the first one to get a name after each statement. It might read, sign your name if:
– you have ever sung in public
– are single
– rate your sex appeal at 8 or higher
– are redecorating your home
Other great crowd pleasers in which all age groups can participate are: charades, sing-a-longs, talent shows, home movies/videos, and sifting through photo albums, sports fun (softball, volleyball, badminton, croquet), and Family Olympics, or a “This is Your Life” program honoring the patriarch or matriarch of the family.
One activity should involve the entire family interacting with one another through talking, story-telling, sharing, and laughing. As parents and grandparents tell stories from the past, family ties are strengthened and a love of family is instilled. Lives are being woven together. Family history is in progress. This stirs up a strong sense of family pride. Even the youngest child can sense something significant is taking place.
Before Parting
Before final goodbyes are said hold a brief meeting to coordinate the next family reunion. Designate a leader, recommend or even select a site, and set the date for the next reunion. And remember: Be flexible and armed with a sense of humor. No matter how much advance planning goes into an event problems still occur.
A Fine Inheritance
Family reunions build a sense of family continuity. They keep memories and traditions alive. Keeping memories and traditions alive for the next generation is not a luxury that takes too much time, effort and money, but a necessity if the sense of family preservation is to be maintained.
Your family heritage is worth the effort.
SIDE BAR
Memories And Mementoes
One of the prime objectives of a family reunion is to build a sense of unity, belonging and continuity. Here are some suggestions for building great memories for all the years to come:
* Collect tidbits of family history, print a family journal or newsletter.
* Compile a family cookbook.
* Draw up a family tree and have each person “sign in”.
* Design a family tee shirt for everyone to wear.
* Record the event for posterity by taking photographs. Suggestion: if its an important family reunion and you want a good photo hire a professional!
* Capture special moments on video. After several family events splice key scenes together. Add music and subtitles–a sure academy award!
* “Sign out” in a guest book with a final word for posterity.
* Compile a photo scrapbook of each gathering. Note where it was held and significant happenings.
* Play “Remember when…” where tales from the past are told and retold by parents, grandparents, and others.