Cyberspace Protection
“I learned from one of our two sons that someone was accessing porn from our computer. When I confronted the other son (age 13) he readily admitted it. He said he accidently came on it through a Lord of the Rings site. We have a block on the computer now but I can’t believe how trusting we were. We are good parents bringing our children up in the faith. The computer was centrally located in the family room and I was vigilant about monitoring it. But I way too naive and trusting. I didn’t realize how tricky porn sites are until I went there myself. As you close one down, another pops up, and when you close that one down another vile site pops up. They make it almost impossible to get rid of. How should a parent handle this?”
A recent Kaiser Family Foundation study found that 70 % of teens (ages 15 to 17) accidentally came across porn sites while on the Internet. It can happen innocently when a child is searching for information for a health report. A Girl Scout Research Institute survey quoted that most girls (ages 13 to 18) said they can get around parental rules. Nearly half said they can get into a porn site. A whopping 84% of boys ages 16 and l7 and 60 % of girls the same age said they had “stumbled” on porn. Thirty-eight percent of boys in another study said they had deliberately searched for porn site
Parents can be very naive about what their child is seeing as well as how easy this is to access. Any child who regularly surfs the Web will inevitably stumble onto the hard-core stuff sooner or later. Porn poses a real threat to children, especially boys. Just one exposure to it by some young teen boys is all that is required to set up an addiction that will hold them captive for life. Porn on the Web is like heroin. It grabs its victim and takes over their lives. It’s difficult to part with because the victim doesn’t want to give it up. We don’t want drug pushers in our schools or homes. Why allow it to come into your home via the Internet or school library?
Porn fills children’s minds with miseducation when it depicts adultery, high-risk, degrading, perverse, promiscuous and violent sexual behaviors. It robs them of their ability to develop healthy sexual relationship within the bonds of marriage. And it’s highly addictive.
Keeping your children safe online is not that difficult. Here are some broad guidelines:
1. Develop rules for Internet usage. Anytime you purchase a new computer is a great time to introduce a list of rules. It can cover such things as never giving out personal information, going into chat rooms or e-mailing people you don’t know, downloading information from the Internet, and the amount of time spent online. Remember, unreinforced rules do no good! If you need help in drawing up an agreement go to www.mysafefamily.org/articles/agreement.txt for a sample agreement.
2.Keep the computer in a public area in the home. This means no computers in a child’s bedroom, yet about 16 percent of children do have computers there. There is much less temptation if the computer is in a public area. It’s not that you don’t trust a child; you just don’t want to put him in harm’s way. Then when you pass by, sit for awhile and check on its use. This is very effective.
3. Use a filtering service. A filter acts as a shield against undesirable web content when a request is made. Most high-speed Internet providers offer a filtering service. If they do not you can subscribe to one. Check out Integrity Online. Don’t be so naive to think that a savvy child can’t get around a filter. Recently I received an advertisement for “My Secret File” which allows you to store and hide any document, “even your porn.”
4. Monitor Internet use. Once these steps are in place, you can monitor Internet use. There are an estimated one million pedophiles and sex offenders actively searching for a child just like yours. This isn’t “spying” on your child, but protecting him from things s/he may not yet understanding.
5. Talk about it as a family. This mean you will openly talk about Internet safety with the whole family. Make it a topic for supper conversation. Remind all family members that safeguarding values is a priority in your home. Discuss what King David means when he says is Psalms 101:3 “I will set no wicked thing before my eyes.”
Porn in General
Mom received a disturbing phone call from Jessica’s teacher. The teacher explained that some questionable drawings had been discovered in Jessica’s possession. A parent-teacher conference was held and there Jessica (age 9) was confronted with the sexually explicit pictures she herself had drawn. Under questioning it was discovered that Jessica and Elaine (age 11) had discovered pornographic while playing at Elaine’s house – videos that belonged to Elaine’s Daddy. Jessica was simply drawing what she had seen in the video. Two little girls have been hurt through this experience. Jessica’s parents are trying to erase those vivid images from a nine year old mind, and plant new and healthy ones. Elaine’s parent are doing likewise for her and Elaine’s Daddy is seeking the help he needs to overcome his addiction –the best thing that happened from this incident.
Regardless the form of pornography discovered – lurid book, explicit magazine, video or DVD – resist reacting with embarrassment, shock or rage. Your child is not some strange monster, nor are his interests unnatural. S/he is fascinated with such material because they’ve heard about it from friends. Making a scene, destroying the material, accusing him of shameful behavior, will not decrease his interest. It might plant the idea that s/he is perverted and make him more clever in hiding clandestine activities from you.
When discussing pornography with a teenager, point out that it depicts genital contact only. A relationship containing affection, love, or commitment is non existent. It is little more than sex for the sake of sex which eventually becomes boring. Producers of pornography recognize this and keep inventing more and more perverse sex scenes to captivate the mind.
Someone has said that pornography is “to be read or seen with one hand.” This implies that one would masturbate with the other. For Christians of any age, the use of pornography to stimulate erotic fantasies would fly in the face of all the Bible says sex can and should be.
The sex education of a child is a privilege as well as a responsibility and must be rooted in Biblical principles — not in human arguments that change with the times and leave youngsters with nothing to hang on to. It is a parental privilege to give to the world a child with healthy attitudes toward sex and a strong moral foundation that can be used to establish a warm, loving family in the years to come.