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A high school girl was the only virgin in her
class. Her peers were always after her to join them in their sex
adventures. She always refused. After reading SMART LOVE -- straight talk
to young adults about dating, love & sex she called them together one day at
lunch hour. She told them to get off her back: " I can be like all of you
any time I want to. But as long as you live, you will never be like me!"
* * * *
I am a virgin and have always wanted to remain
that well. One day I was asked how I would feel if Jesus comes before I got
married. "You don't want to be the last virgin on earth, do you?" I
considered breaking my virginity so I would be experienced when I'm
married. While you were teaching the SMART LOVE SEMINAR I kept thinking
about this. Because of the seminar I have decided to remain a virgin until
I'm married.
* * * *
After teaching the SMART LOVE SEMINAR on one
campus a 14 year old told me that there were going to be some changes in the
dormitory! One girl wrote a 10 page letter to God and said that Nancy will
never know what a change she has made in my life! Another girl exclaimed
with youthful enthusiasm, "Something that I really appreciated about the
seminar is that you said, "When you are having sex 'with your husband' or
'after you are married." You always kept sex inside of marriage. I liked
that!"
* * * *
I really enjoyed the SMART LOVE SEMINAR. It
shed some light on subjects we had only whispered and giggled about behind
closed doors. I am not a virgin. This is by no means something I am proud
of. But the way you talked gave me hope. Although I may never be a
physical virgin again, I can become spiritually pure and whole. I have
resolved to stop my impure acts. It will be hard but God will help me do
it. My friend's felt sorry for me
because I had to sit on the front row, right in front of you. But I feel
like I never would have gotten the message I did had I not been right there
where God could use you to His best advantage! Praise Him! A young fan
* * * *
You've done a tremendous job of putting the
SMART LOVE SEMINAR together. You've done a massive amount of research and
on behalf of our student body, I want to thank you for presenting this
information. We are glad you took the time to be with us and that you have
dedicated your time and energy towards teen-agers like us. Thanks for
coming to our Bible classes and for counseling students privately."
Karen, student
body president
* * * *
Thank you for coming to our campus and
presenting the SMART LOVE SEMINAR to our students. Sometimes we wonder if
we get through to students or not, but I can assure you that many of the
things you said are planted firmly in their memory and will be put to good
use. I heard a couple of students quote some of the information you
presented in a public meeting the other day.
I found the seminar to be very frank,
open and to the point. God bless you as you work with young people
throughout the United States and beyond.
K B, principal
* * * *
During your recent SMART LOVE SEMINAR at a
Teen Retreat I was counselor for 12 girls ages 12 to 15. That first night
as the seminar began I asked the girls if they thought it was okay to have
sex before marriage. Ten of the twelve responded that they thought it was
all right as long as the two people "really cared" about each other. At the
close of the seminar I asked the questions again. Nine out of the ten had
changed their minds and no longer thought it was right. The girl who
remained unconvinced has already had one abortion (and maybe more). Nancy,
keep preaching the word! You are making a difference! A mom in
California
Dear Mrs. Van Pelt: I have read the SMART
LOVE book and attended your seminar. Thank you for both. They've been
very helpful. I only wish I had the book and seminar sooner. I have a
questions. Please give me a straight, honest answer.
I dated for the second time when I
was 17. (I'll call him Tim.) At first I was only infatuated with Tim,
but then, slowly, I fell deeply in love with him. Till I dated Tim, I
had been completely innocent of anything -- even kissing. I had no idea
what petting was about until I met him. I knew I wanted to save my
virginity for marriage, but I hadn't really set my standards on petting
because I knew nothing about it.
Then Tim started touching me above
the waist. It was new feelings for me and I enjoyed it. But then he
made me touch him. Being afraid that I would lose him if I didn't I did
for awhile. Once day when we were alone on a walk, Tim pinned me on the
ground and tried to get me to have sex with him. When I refused he
pinned down my arms and continued trying. Let me explain the details --
his penis was just inside my labia. I couldn't move so I begged him to
let me up and he did apologizing.
I know that I never should have been
in this situation so he could even try this. Since then, mostly because
of the awful guilt I feel, I've broken up with him. Now for my
question. I want to know if I'm still a virgin, at least a technical
virgin? I have decided not to date, at least until college. I'm so
ashamed I have no desire to date. Please send your reply/ Hopefully
Still Virgin.
I have put this situation out to youth
groups. Here is a sampling of their replies:
The males said:
I think you would still be a virgin because
you didn't want sex.
* * * *
I think you are a virgin for the simple
reason that you didn't condone it by staying with the guy afterwards
and mentally you weren't involved. Also, technically, he did not
penetrate. So you are still physically a virgin. The main issue is
your feeling of guilt. There is no reason to be guilty. You are only
hurting yourself to dwell on it. God forgives you. Forgive yourself.
* * * *
If you feel you are still a virgin, then
you are. I'm sure God feels this way as well. In my opinion, orgasm
must be achieved to remove virginity.
* * * *
You are still a virgin because (1) the
situation wasn't your will; (2) he stopped before full intercourse
began, and (3) you weren't sexually aroused. Face what has happened; it
wasn't your fault. You kept your morals as well as possible and you are
still a virgin.
* * * *
There are two points that people will
approach this problem. If they are strict they wilil say you lost your
virginity because according to the Bible a virgin is someone who has
never been touched. However, if they are loose, they will say that you
still have your virginity because Tim did not enter you fully. I'm
strict, so you lost your virginity.
* * * *
The girls wrote:
Yes, you are still a virgin because the flap
of skin was not broken. Even if it was you would still be considered a
virgin because it would have been taken from you instead of you giving
it. Don't feel guilty. You didn't do anything wrong. God loves you
and He always will.
* * * *
Yes, you are still a virgin. If you look up
the definition for virginity in the dictionary you will find something
like this, "a person, especially a girl or young woman, who has not had
sexual intercourse." Then to further define sexual intercourse check a
medical book and you'll find that intercourse takes place when the man
inserts his penis deep into the vagina and an orgasm is reached. By
your letter I would say this point was not reached and you are still a
virgin.
Out of 14 replies seven said she was a
virgin, five said no, she was not and two were undecided. Note also how
easily her bvehavior was excused. The definition of what virginity is.
The misunderstands about what constitutes sexual intercourse and their
references to what might be termed "situational ethics." Would the
seven who said she was still a virgin have stayed with that response had
pregnancy occurred?????
For my answer to Hopefully Still Virgin read
chapter 5 in SMART LOVE--straight talk to young adults about
dating, love & sex.
* * * *
I was meeting informally with a group of
teenagers to discuss dating. While discussing premarital sex, one girl
quipped, "Well, if I ever get pregnant before I'm married, I'll have an
abortion and get it over with." The girl seated next to her who had
just three days earlier attended a SMART LOVE SEMINAR countered, "Oh, no
you wouldn't if you'd been to the SMART LOVE SEMINAR and heard and seen
what I just did!
It is hard to believe it was nine years
ago I was going through your parent seminar. Now I need SMART LOVE
information, a backwards way of learning. Now that I have another
chance at "building" a relationship, I want as much information as
possible on how to do it the best way. Your two year rule -- taking
time to get to know each other -- is sinking in. Thank you for all
the great information in that book!
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