’WPCū 1Oxē5†÷ŲöfŠé֏>…ŸŃŌ¦Œņ?@mÖGŠĀČD˜ĄŪ»ĖĪ̬Ę4Ś2«9I[”鮂ńüS¾m-£ä“§ėhćąļ.¢_N*ݾdÉńšur†Ķ…ū– ޲…A‘Ēu«Ģf–ŖŗĆŻ>s2]Ó;±1®‹õ“süˆ“[žś™LŠą( ņ¦’yq¦O^„}\F· čj„4µiŹ2‡łX;P{IVŠ7 3Q«A÷Ģ\%ŽmģŲ_̆õ(Ė¢=su®Ļ©q¦ŒRė³E–¼ĀĄгԾĆÕĘp^ĆcķÄ öśdóž8žS¢éÉßzēõMĘnćńńĶķiŁˆņŽś§šyśŠ¶ /`“`#_ē˜öt£œRžŖŃ Ų®.©ü„-éF“2ńā·† GŻ“4ēXĆ̼~ E>b¦ēZ=§ÉłF˜Vœ?zŪFƇiOhyXŻ`0[¬}¾ųE+w_%’>•£4ŪM•„dQk)q]čŃęéhš+(µłˆ;2Šbsš!&£ÜŁˆ»–ĮŃÜJ ­aw³Éņé¾kÄZˆ¼ū𓵺^")}<āNAĄń:‡dø<¤»8¢¢¾§ØV Qļ_× uö#ĮÄUN… %Ó 0:Ł^ w4#7F mH4_ 0N“bį˜hp officejet 4200 seriesTX,,,,TX0(ÖĆ9 Z‹6Times New Roman RegularX(üœ$””ŌUSUS.,Ō§…“3s Ė‘E3ź:i¢×+003|x’U‹’ĄĄĄhttp://www.heartnhome.com(ĶO$——Ō’ŌņņóóŌ’ŌPage ł of &łŻ ƒüœ!ŻŌUSUS.,ŌŻ  ŻŌ_ŌŌ‡ī īXXŌÓ  Óņ ņŃ€ ŃŃ8€ćĄXXdģdČ8ŃWhatššs€This€Thing€Called€LoveŌ#†XćĄXīī =#Ō?ó óŠ d ŠÓ\ÓĢą  ąFalling€in€love€is€one€of€the€most€exciting€events€in€life.€€Everyone€wants€to€find€TrueŠ t ŠLove,€and€when€it€happens,€life€takes€on€new€meaning.€€Sudden€energy€surges€through€theŠ ` ü Šsystem.€€New€enthusiasm€provides€zest€for€the€most€boring€tasks.€€A€special€chemistry€worksŠ L č Šovertime.€€Time€is€too€short€when€a€couple€in€love€are€together€and€too€long€when€they€are€apart.Š 8 Ō Šą  ąIn€the€early€stages€of€love,€time€together€is€filled€with€exciting€adventures€and€affectionateŠ $ Ą Šinterludes.€€Each€look€and€touch,€every€conversation€and€kiss€takes€on€monumental€significance.€Š  ¬ ŠEverything€is€so€right,€so€good,€so€perfect.€€Suddenly,€everyone€faces€the€same€challengingŠ ü ˜ Šquestion,€š šņņHow€do€I€know€if€this€is€the€real€thing?ó󚚊 č„  Šą  ąNone€of€us€deliberately€sets€out€to€make€wrong€choices€in€our€love€life.€€We€want€ourŠ Ōp  Šrelationships€to€work.€€At€the€time€we€make€our€decision€about€who€is€right€for€us,€we€believeŠ Ą\  Šwith€all€our€heart€that€we€are€making€the€right€choice.€€But€more€often€than€we€like€to€admit,€thatŠ ¬H  Šchoice€is€wrong.Š ˜4  Šą  ąLove€is€so€exhilarating€that€some€people€deliberately€close€their€eyes€to€anything€thatŠ „  Šmight€spoil€the€fantasy.€€Telling€the€difference€between€True€Love€and€Infatuation€is€tricky,€butŠ p  Šnot€impossible.€€Applying€the€š štest€of€timešš€š!š€two€full€years€of€dating€before€marriage€š!šwill€help.Š \ų ŠÓ  Óņ ņTrue€Love€Conquers€Alló óŠ Hä ŠÓ  Óą  ąMany€couples€are€doomed€before€they€begin€their€relationship€because€they€have€boughtŠ 4Š Šinto€the€theory€that€true€love€conquers€all:€ņņš šRegardless€of€what€the€problem€is,€we€can€beat€it.šš€Š  ¼ Šš šWe€love€each€other€so€much€we€can€make€our€relationship€work.šš€€š šNo€problem€is€too€big€forŠ  Ø Šour€love.ššóóŠ ų” Šą  ąAnyone€who€buys€into€this€theory€is€not€facing€reality.€€Couples€with€one€or€more€of€theŠ ä€ Šfollowing€š šissuesšš€holds€to€the€š šlove„conquers„allšš€theory€when€insisting€that€the€following€donšštŠ Šl Šmatter:Š ¼X Šą  ą*€age€differencesŠ ØD Šą  ą*€racial€or€cultural€differencesŠ ”0 Šą  ą*€religious€differencesŠ € Šą  ą*€lack€of€educationŠ l  Šą  ą*€lack€of€financial€resourcesŠ X!ō Šą  ą*€a€current€or€previous€marriageŠ D"ą Šą  ą*€parental€disapprovalŠ 0#Ģ Šą  ą*€disagreement€over€not€wanting€childrenŠ $ø  Šą  ą*€a€drinking,€drug,€gambling€or€other€compulsive€habitŠ %¤! Šą  ąTina€and€Andre€dated€for€a€year.€€Tina€was€brought€up€in€a€strict€religious€home€and€MaxŠ ō%" Šwas€raised€in€a€home€with€no€religion€at€all.€€Before€meeting€Tina,€he€had€never€even€been€toŠ ą&| # Šchurch.€€While€dating€they€discussed€their€Ō_ŌreliŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌgiousŌ_Ō€differences€from€time€to€time,€but€not€inŠ Ģ'h!$ Šdepth.€€Andre€went€to€church€with€Tina€to€make€her€happy€but€never€made€a€commitment€to€theŠ ø(T"% ŠLord.€€Because€he€attended€church€with€her€most€of€the€time,€Tina€thought€Andre€was€acceptingŠ ¤)@#& Šher€faith€even€though€Max€never€said€anything€to€confirm€this.€€They€got€along€so€well€in€everyŠ *,$' Šother€way€that€both€skirted€the€issue€of€religion,€hoping€it€would€all€work€out.€€Neither€wanted€toŠ |+%( Šrock€the€boat.€€Inwardly€Tina€knew€she€could€never€give€up€her€faith,€and€Andre€knew€he€couldŠ h,&) Šnever€be€religious€like€Tina.€€Both€thought€their€love€for€each€other€could€beat€all€obstacles.Š T-š&* Šą  ąTina€and€Andre€married€but€parted€ways€over€issues€of€faith,€church€and€spirituality.€€ByŠ d Šavoiding€the€issue€of€religious€differences€prior€to€marriage€they€were€really€saying,€š šIf€we€love€Š Pģ Šeach€other€enough,€we€can€overcome€the€problem.€€True€love€can€conquer€our€different€religiousŠ <Ų Švalues.šš€€After€they€were€married€they€found€it€wasnššt€that€easy.€€Andre€no€longer€tried€toŠ ( Ä Šaccommodate€Tinaššs€wishes€by€going€to€church.€€Tina€tried€to€love€him€anyway,€but€didnššt€haveŠ  ° Šthe€spiritual€leader€in€her€home€she€really€wanted.€€She€wanted€a€man€who€would€pray€with€herŠ  œ Šabout€problems,€provide€spiritual€guidance€and€be€a€godly€model€for€their€children.Š ģ ˆ Šą  ąAs€much€in€love€as€you€are€now,€as€much€as€you€vow€never€to€allow€some€of€the€issuesŠ Ų t Šmentioned€to€separate€you,€dealing€with€any€of€the€issues€over€time€will€eventually€wear€out€yourŠ Ä ` Šlove€and€devotion€for€one€another.€€You€can€count€on€it,€even€if€you€think€you€can€beat€it€now.Š °L  Šņ ņÓ  ÓLove€is€Strangeó óŠ œ8  ŠÓ  Óą  ąDuring€the€early€stages€of€falling€in€love,€you€will€likely€experience€a€wide€range€ofŠ ˆ$  Šfeelings€and€responses,€including€intense€passion€and€idealization€of€your€partner€š!š€thinking€he€orŠ t  Šshe€is€absolutely€š šperfect.šš€€This€romantic€phase,€what€is€also€called€ņņinfatuation,óó€includes€curiousŠ `ü  Šemotional€and€physiological€changes€š!š€changes€that€have€been€laboratory€tested€and€are€100Š Lč  Špercent€real!€€For€instance,€the€sense€of€being€in€love€makes€a€female€appear€more€beautiful.€Š 8Ō  ŠResearch€explains€that€š šmen€and€women€who€are€in€love€walk€more€erectly€and€appear€to€haveŠ $Ą Šgrown€taller€because€the€spinal€column€is€stretched.šš€€All€motor€responses€are€intensely€activated,Š ¬ Šmaking€those€in€love€extremely€aware€of€and€emotionally€receptive€to€their€partners.ņņ1óóŠ ü˜ Šą  ąEyes€appear€shinier€when€you€are€in€love€because€the€production€of€tears€increases.€€ThisŠ č„ Šexplains€why€eyes€actually€appear€to€sparkle€and€why€you€feel€that€the€world€is€a€brighter,Š Ōp Šshinier,€happier€place.€€Hearts€also€beat€faster,€which€makes€people€even€more€susceptible€toŠ Ą\ Šfalling€in€love.€€Those€in€love€also€have€more€energy.€€Being€in€love€spurs€the€production€ofŠ ¬H Šepinephrine€(adrenaline)€and€gives€energy€and€strength€to€surmount€problems;€thus€the€feelingŠ ˜4 Šthat€you€can€conquer€anything.ņņ2óóŠ „  Šą  ąAnother€study€on€those€who€thought€they€were€in€love€showed€that€this€increasedŠ p  Šadrenaline€actually€makes€the€heart€grow€fonder.€€Participants€in€this€project€were€injected€withŠ \ų Šadrenaline€to€approximate€the€aroused€state€of€being€in€love.€€It€was€found€that€those€who€hadŠ Hä Šbeen€injected€demonstrated€more€affection€than€those€who€did€not€have€the€extra€spurt€ofŠ 4 Š Šadrenaline€by€injection.€€In€other€words,€the€state€of€being€in€love€increases€the€ability€to€love.ņņ3óóŠ  !¼ Šą  ąThose€in€love€are€more€open€to€and€accepting€of€what€life€has€to€offer€them.€€They€areŠ  "Ø Šready€to€enjoy€life€to€its€fullest.€€In€contrast,€those€who€are€not€in€love€present€a€more€negative€orŠ ų"” Šclosed€attitude€to€others€when€hurt€or€angry.€€Such€responses€include€holding€their€arms€close€toŠ ä#€  Štheir€bodies,€taking€small€steps,€pursing€their€lips,€and€keeping€their€heads€down.€€They€are€moreŠ Š$l! Šapt€to€withdraw€physically€and€emotionally€from€others.€€In€response€to€their€withdrawal,€othersŠ ¼%X" Šactually€withdraw€from€them.€€The€result€is€unhappy€persons€who€think€others€donššt€like€themŠ Ø&D # Šand€never€receive€the€love€and€attention€they€want€and€need€to€make€them€happy.Š ”'0!$ Šą  ąSome€young€adults€puzzle€over€why€they€rarely€or€never€have€dates€and€appear€to€beŠ €("% Šrejected€by€those€they€meet.€€In€reality,€they€send€out€negative€reactions€which€turns€others€off€toŠ l)#& Šthem.€ņņ4Š X*ō#' Šóóą  ąMemory€improves€when€one€is€in€love.€€The€person€in€love€possesses€an€extraordinaryŠ D+ą$( Šability€to€remember€everything€and€anything€about€their€object€of€affection.€€He€may€forget€hisŠ 0,Ģ%) Šmath€assignment€and€she€may€forget€to€set€her€alarm,€but€neither€will€forget€details€about€theŠ -ø&* Šother.€€When€a€person€is€in€love,€the€mind€apparently€becomes€selective€about€what€itŠ d Šremembers.Š Pģ Šą  ąThose€in€love€want€to€be€physically€close€to€the€one€they€love.€€If€your€partner€isŠ <Ų Šconstantly€edging€closer,€always€wanting€to€be€at€your€side,€chances€are€she€is€in€love€with€you€orŠ ( Ä Šthinks€she€is.Š  ° Šą  ąLove€affects€brain€chemistry.€€One€study€concluded€that€once€the€emotional€state€has€beenŠ  œ Šdefined€as€š šlove,šš€there€is€an€increase€in€the€brain€chemical€Ō_ŌphenylethylamineŌ_Ō€that€maintains€theŠ ģ ˆ Šemotional€high.€€Interestingly€enough,€Ō_ŌphenylethylamineŌ_Ō€is€the€same€chemical€compound€foundŠ Ų t Šin€chocolate,€a€popular€gift€for€those€in€love.ņņ5óóŠ Ä ` Šą  ąLove€also€affects€eating€habits.€€Many€people€experience€a€loss€of€appetite€in€the€earlyŠ °L  Šstages€of€love.€€One€young€woman€told€me€laughingly€that€if€she€could€just€stay€in€love€foreverŠ œ8  Šshe€would€never€have€to€diet€again!€€Others€feel€as€if€they€are€walking€on€air€or€being€transportedŠ ˆ$  Što€another€world€where€they€are€barely€conscious€of€their€surroundings.Š t  Šą  ąLovers€may€have€sweaty€hands,€butterflies€in€their€stomachs,€dilated€pupils,€and€so€on.€Š `ü  ŠSuch€physiological€effects€tend€to€fade€in€time.€€Personally,€I€am€glad€to€hear€this€or€Iššd€beŠ Lč  Šexhausted€after€years€of€going€through€all€that€every€time€my€Harry€walked€through€the€door!Š 8Ō  Šą  ąEarly€in€the€relationship€it€is€common€to€think€about€the€loved€one€constantly.€€Lana€saysŠ $Ą Šdreamily,€š šņņI€go€to€sleep€thinking€about€him€and€he€is€the€first€thought€that€pops€into€my€mind€inŠ ¬ Šthe€morning.€€Then€I€begin€another€day€where€he€is€never€out€of€my€thoughts.ššóó€€This€intenseŠ ü˜ Šfocus€on€the€loved€one€tends€to€add€even€more€interest€and€excitement€to€the€relationship.€€WhenŠ č„ Šaway€from€each€other€it€is€common€for€a€couple€in€this€early€romantic€phase€to€anxiously€wait€forŠ Ōp Šthe€moment€they€will€see€each€other€again€or€intensely€desire€a€phone€call.Š Ą\ Šą  ąPeople€in€this€stage€talk€endlessly€about€the€object€of€their€affection€with€anyone€who€willŠ ¬H Šlisten.€€It€is€possible€that€the€one€in€love€may€become€so€totally€immersed€in€the€love€relationshipŠ ˜4 Šthat€responsibilities€are€ignored€or€forgotten.€€Kurt€says,€š šIššm€having€trouble€concentrating€inŠ „  Šschool,€and€I€canššt€get€my€homework€done.€€It€piles€up€ņņand€I€canššt€even€force€myself€to€tackleŠ p  Šassignments€that€are€due.€€The€other€day€I€was€at€a€student€body€officersšš€meeting.€€SomeoneŠ \ų Šasked€a€question.€€I€didnššt€even€know€someone€was€talking€to€me€until€everyone€laughed.Š Hä Šóóņ ņÓ  ÓUp€Close€and€Personal€š!š€About€MalesŠ 4 Š ŠÓ  Óą  ąó óGenerally€speaking,€guys€fall€in€love€more€rapidly€than€do€females€In€one€study€of€250Š  !¼ Šmen€and€429€women,€researchers€measured€the€š šromance€quotašš€of€all€who€were€currently€inŠ  "Ø Šlove.€€More€than€one€quarter€of€the€males€said€they€had€fallen€seriously€in€love€before€the€fourthŠ ų"” Šdate,€while€only€15€percent€of€the€females€had.€€In€fact,€half€of€the€females€reported€they€had€notŠ ä#€  Šdecided€if€it€was€genuine€love€even€after€20€dates!€€The€conclusion€was€that€females€take€moreŠ Š$l! Štime€determining€whether€they€are€in€love€or€not.€ņņ6Š ¼%X" Šą  ąóóGuys€fall€in€love€more€rapidly,€it€is€concluded,€because€they€are€initially€attracted€by€theŠ Ø&D # Šphysical€qualities€of€a€girl.€€One€study€determined€that€guys€took€only€ņņseven€seconds€óóto€decide€ifŠ ”'0!$ Šthey€wanted€to€pursue€a€relationship€with€a€woman.€€€Guys€rarely€feel€an€urgency€to€evaluate€aŠ €("% Šwoman€over€time€when€her€looks€are€appealing.€€If€he€likes€what€he€sees€and€she€sets€hisŠ l)#& Šhormones€on€fire,€he€ņņknowsóó€itššs€love.€€Thoughts€of€her€homemaking€abilities,€how€sheššll€getŠ X*ō#' Šalong€with€his€family,€or€what€kind€of€mother€sheššll€make€all€take€a€back€seat€to€her€looks.Š D+ą$( Šą  ąA€guy€is€also€more€likely€to€conclude€itššs€love€when€the€woman€makes€him€feel€goodŠ 0,Ģ%) Šabout€himself.€€This€satisfies€his€need€for€admiration€and€appreciation.€€To€find€real€love,€then,Š -ø&* Šguys€must€slow€down€and€live€a€woman€patiently€and€tenderly€over€a€long€period€of€time.€€A€guyŠ d Šwho€rushes€ahead€of€a€womanššs€instincts€may€lose€in€the€end.Š Pģ ŠÓ  Óņ ņUp€Close€and€Personal€š!š€About€Womenó óŠ <Ų ŠÓ  Óą  ąFemales€look€at€love€differently€than€guys€do.€€Generally€women€take€longer€to€decideŠ ( Ä Šand€arenššt€as€willing€to€declare€undying€love€until€they€have€looked€over€his€inner€qualities.€Š  ° ŠThey€are€more€apt€to€look€for€characteristics€they€desire€in€a€man€who€will€become€the€father€ofŠ  œ Štheir€children.€€Women,€more€so€than€guys,€have€an€ability€to€look€into€the€future€and€visualizeŠ ģ ˆ Šwhat€a€lifelong€relationship€with€a€guy€would€be€like.Š Ų t Šą  ąWomen€take€longer€to€fall€in€love€because€they€are€more€in€touch€with€their€feelings.€€It€isŠ Ä ` Šeasier€for€them€to€distinguish€between€infatuation,€with€its€rush€of€emotions,€and€genuine€love,Š °L  Šwhich€tends€to€move€more€slowly.€€Women€definitely€feel€and€enjoy€the€tingling€and€palpitationsŠ œ8  Šof€infatuation€but€are€more€prone€to€allow€their€heads€to€rule€their€hearts€š!š€at€least€initially.Š ˆ$  Šą  ąWomen€are€slower€than€guys€to€label€their€feelings€š šlovešš€but€are€more€relentless€in€theirŠ t  Špursuit€of€the€real€thing.€€Once€a€girl€decides€she€has€found€her€man,€she€is€likely€to€become€moreŠ `ü  Šintensely€emotional€and€romantic€than€any€man.€€Love€now€becomes€euphoric.€€Life€takes€on€aŠ Lč  Šspecial€flow.€€Colors€are€brighter;€she€is€happier,€more€beautiful€and€bubbly€than€ever€before.€Š 8Ō  ŠShe€may€find€it€difficult€to€concentrate€on€anything€except€her€man€and€dreams€of€their€futureŠ $Ą Štogether.Š ¬ ŠLove€Without€LimitsŠ ü˜ Šą  ąSociety€programs€us€through€the€mass€media€and€other€forums€to€believe€that€love€willŠ č„ Šsolve€all€personal€problems.€€Such€a€concept€leads€people€down€a€dangerous€path€because€theyŠ Ōp Šexpect€romance€to€offer€what€only€Jesus€can€supply.Š Ą\ Šą  ąRather€than€securing€all€your€hopes€and€dreams€to€a€human€being,€why€not€secureŠ ¬H Šyourself€first€and€foremost€to€someone€who€will€however€change?€€Jesus€is€always€the€same,Š ˜4 Šyesterday,€today€and€forever.€€Promise€He€makes,€He€will€keep.€€You€can€count€on€it.€€His€love€isŠ „  Šcompletely€unconditional.€€He€will€always€love€you,€regardless€of€your€appearance,€failures,€orŠ p  Šmistakes.€€When€others€fail€you,€He€will€be€there€to€love€and€care€about€you.€€He€is€the€only€oneŠ \ų Šwho€loves€perfectly.Š Hä Šą  ąJesus€is€the€only€one€who€can€supply€all€your€needs,€fulfill€all€your€desires,€and€meet€allŠ 4 Š Šyour€expectations.€€Anchor€yourself€to€Him€first€and€then€you€will€be€less€likely€to€beŠ  !¼ Šdisappointed€in€love€and€more€likely€to€find€a€satisfying€love€on€this€earth.Š  "Ø ŠĢą  ąNOTE:€In€the€next€issue€Nancy€will€explore€the€difference€between€š šLove€Or€Infatuation?€Š ä#€  ŠHow€to€Tell€the€Difference.€€This€article€has€been€adapted€from€Nancyššs€book€ņņSmart€Love€š!šŠ Š$l! ŠStraight€talk€to€young€adults€about€dating,€love€and€sex.óó€€See€Ō4‚ Ż źŌŻ‚ ĶOŻŌ’ŌņņŻ  ŻŌ5  Ōwww.heartnhome.comŌ6§DŌŻ‚ ĶO»DƒŻóóŌ’ŌŻ  ŻŌ7Ż éDŌŠ ¼%X" ŠĢWord€count:€2,256€to€here.Š ”'0!$ ŠĢEnd€notes:Š l)#& Š1.€€Joyce€Brothers,€ņņThe€Brothers€System€for€Liberated€Love€and€Marriage.€€óóNew€York:€Peter€H.€€€Š X*ō#' Š€€€€€€Ō_ŌWydenŌ_Ō,€1972,€p.€19.Š D+ą$( Š2.€€Ibid.Š 0,Ģ%) Š3.€€Ibid.Š -ø&* Š4.€€Ibid.€p.€22.Š d Š5.€€John€James€and€Ibis€Schlesinger,€ņņAre€You€the€One€for€Me?óó€Reading,€MA:€Addison„Wesley,€€€€€Š Pģ Š€€€€1987,€p.€198.Š <Ų Š6.€€Nancy€L.€Van€Pelt,€ņņSmart€Love:€A€Field€Guide€for€Single€Adultsóó.€€Grand€Rapids,€MI:€Fleming€€Š ( Ä Š€€€€H.€Ō_ŌRevellŌ_Ō,€1997,€p.€128Š  ° ŠWritten€by:€Nancy€L.€Van€Pelt,€Ō_ŌCFLEŌ_Ō€(Certified€Family€Life€Educator)Š  œ Š493€Timmy€Avenue,€Clovis,€CA.€93612€(559)€325„2006Š ģ ˆ ŠŌ_ŌŌ_Ō